Never forget, no matter what. Will they believe me? Will anyone else ever admit to the same feelings? They won't believe you. They'll tell themselves I'm crazy, that it's all made up, or created in the dreams of a childlike mind. Suit themselves. Doesn't matter if they believe me because it is the feeling that is important to me. The very fond memory that sent goose bumps up my tiny arms, and down my little legs. Not scary, but the realization that its true, and all too familiar.
For as long as I can remember my childhood memories have been quite clear. Most people don't believe me when I can recall the stinging pain of a circumcision brought on by the 2 blurry figures blocking the light over me. Looking at them through these blurry bubbly eyes is difficult enough but watching them do it isn't painful at all.
You're also not supposed to remember being pulled away from her nipple because your teeth are sticking out more, and the tones of their voices at that moment.
I'll kick these loudly because I don't want to be here anymore. I shattered them because these legs worked fine, but I much rather when I didn't need them. I remember the clanking sounds they made. Hollowed thin hard plastic, with rattling junky bells.
No I didn't want to be there anymore. I wanted to go back before but instead I kept getting bigger, and forgetting what it was like. They brought me a puppy. He was new like me, but didn't seem to remember much about the before times. He couldn't talk much either. His eyes told me lots about him though. I was jealous of him because he would be able to leave much sooner than I. I'm stuck here for a long time with distant visions stretching far into a future I can't remember as clearly anymore. You are the lucky one. Your purpose is already understood by you.
Lots of what you need to know is already taught to you. All that I can do is admire you, and hope you'll remember the before times with me.I started walking at 9 months but you in only a few weeks. I was hoping you could tell me more about the before times. They called him Snooky, but I called him Blacky. They enjoy making things complicated, and yet they don't remember the before times. But I remembered; even as I got bigger. I remembered the differences between dark, and light, and how to avoid both because both could suck you in. The dark was filled with old souls waiting to attach themselves, but the light was just as enticing with all of its senses that could allow you to interact with others. The smells, the touch, and the sights through this body was intoxicating. I'm not supposed to remember the before times, but I want to no matter what. I want to remember what it was like floating, watching them hold that thing I could attach myself to. I didn't really want to be stuck in it, because I knew that if I stayed too long I'd forget this, and become more of it. I would be stuck in it as long as it lived forgetting what I need to remember. The memory that still sent goose bumps across these limbs. Why did I choose these people? I'd watched them for quite some time. I don't think I chose them, so much as I chose him. That thing they're holding. I told myself that if I remember this that's all that will matter. So long as he remembers that I am, is, and was what he will be and never forget then perhaps I've gained some awareness to cheat the cycle. It will be difficult determining the difference between memories of the future or of the past but I must never forget that I chose to be here. Who would have chose this body had I not? More goose bumps.
Still I got older, but the feeling never went away. I couldn't explain it to people that there was a time before I looked through these blurry eyes when I floated to where ever I wanted, and traveled as slow as I wanted. When I could shrink smaller, and smaller to go anywhere. Different colors, different worlds, places, and completely different rules.
Never forget the feeling, and the goose bumps will follow.
It was probably all just a dream, right?
The subconscious attempting to manufacture an origin?
For as long as I can remember my childhood memories have been quite clear. Most people don't believe me when I can recall the stinging pain of a circumcision brought on by the 2 blurry figures blocking the light over me. Looking at them through these blurry bubbly eyes is difficult enough but watching them do it isn't painful at all.
You're also not supposed to remember being pulled away from her nipple because your teeth are sticking out more, and the tones of their voices at that moment.
I'll kick these loudly because I don't want to be here anymore. I shattered them because these legs worked fine, but I much rather when I didn't need them. I remember the clanking sounds they made. Hollowed thin hard plastic, with rattling junky bells.
Lots of what you need to know is already taught to you. All that I can do is admire you, and hope you'll remember the before times with me.I started walking at 9 months but you in only a few weeks. I was hoping you could tell me more about the before times. They called him Snooky, but I called him Blacky. They enjoy making things complicated, and yet they don't remember the before times. But I remembered; even as I got bigger. I remembered the differences between dark, and light, and how to avoid both because both could suck you in. The dark was filled with old souls waiting to attach themselves, but the light was just as enticing with all of its senses that could allow you to interact with others. The smells, the touch, and the sights through this body was intoxicating. I'm not supposed to remember the before times, but I want to no matter what. I want to remember what it was like floating, watching them hold that thing I could attach myself to. I didn't really want to be stuck in it, because I knew that if I stayed too long I'd forget this, and become more of it. I would be stuck in it as long as it lived forgetting what I need to remember. The memory that still sent goose bumps across these limbs. Why did I choose these people? I'd watched them for quite some time. I don't think I chose them, so much as I chose him. That thing they're holding. I told myself that if I remember this that's all that will matter. So long as he remembers that I am, is, and was what he will be and never forget then perhaps I've gained some awareness to cheat the cycle. It will be difficult determining the difference between memories of the future or of the past but I must never forget that I chose to be here. Who would have chose this body had I not? More goose bumps. 
Never forget the feeling, and the goose bumps will follow.
It was probably all just a dream, right?
The subconscious attempting to manufacture an origin?
That's interesting and slightly weird but it makes a nice story and it does kind of follow that you'd be one to remember a time of life that people do not generally, at least consciously, remember.
ReplyDeleteam I a douche, because I was all HOORAY, BENNET'S POSTING PICTURES! Yay! More! More! But I know that's not your point. It's an interesting concept though...how much of those early, early, early days do we hold on to without even realizing it???
ReplyDeleteThanks Cooper, but it gets even more weird when you know you're typing words on recollection from childhood déjà vus. I'm just trying to be accurate in reestablishing the connection. *goose bumps* - *breaks out Donnie Darko sound track and listens to Gary Jules - Mad World.
ReplyDeleteKaren, thank you as well. 70s kodak photos don't age well with it's yellowish tint. Childhood memories of déjà vu with specific words & phrases like: "jealous of the you (black puppy) because you get to leave, and go back sooner "
Origins of being self aware and being aware of more than one's self. We can hold on to as much as we choose at that age. Its a matter of focusing on every initial thought at the time instead of trying to apply an absolute narrative.
Gary Jules version...my favorite. ;)
ReplyDelete